week 1

It has been one week since Octavia entered my life. All of the chaos, pain, heartache and her. The silver lining so-to-speak. She continues to amaze me. The fact I am now a mother of 8 also amazes me. It is so hard to believe I have brought 8 lives into this world. Each with their own special qualities and personalities. Each of them make up the puzzle that is me. Despite the hell I endured to get Octavia earth side, I am thankful for her existence. I am grateful for her. I am doing my best to get through the pain and the hurt. I know it is going to take time but I am hoping that one day I will be okay again.
If I have learned anything being a mother for the past almost 16 years, it is that you can not plan anything, because no matter how meticulous you are, no matter ow careful, something will always come up. New challenges present themselves everyday. I swear I am tested at least weekly. Usually more. It isn't what you go through, it is how you get through it. I am trying to come out of all of this a wiser and more mature being. If I can learn something to pass on to my children I will feel like I have achieved something. It is after 2 am and as I await Octavia's cries (which are starting now) I wonder what the next challenge will be. I wonder what is in store for today. What will I be able to accomplish today? If I can manage to walk around the house I will be doing good. I am healing, slowly, but I am healing. On the outside at least. I will work on the inside as well.
I am being beckoned for a feeding.
More to come...