Friday, March 11, 2011


Not a lot to write about really. I have put in more apps all over. My prometrics exam is march 26th at our local test site. We were told this site was no longer testing, but its where I must be for mine. I am excited and nervous. I pray I do not fail as I only get one shot.
I am going to be volunteering for our local red cross. Junior and I will be a team doing DAT and Afes calls. Just one week out of a 5 week or so cycle. We want to donate a little of our time to our community. I know having 8 kids is a huge job but in that job I have a responsibility to teach my children. We feel that showing them that even though things are rough and a bit bad for us, helping others is important. This is a huge thing to us and I do not get why some people want to shoot us down for it. No, neither of us are employed. Not for lack of trying!! Our store closed, thanks to BP's BS! First scare tons of people from coming here then all the lies. And did we get money? nope. *breathe...*
So instead of us sitting around drowning in self pity, we are trying to reach out to others. We want to help our community. We start next week. I am excited to work with many people I met while going to class at the red cross. Many wonderful people work there. I see opportunity for growth in many ways.
Our children will learn as well and that is important to us.
As for the kidlets, they are doing great! The weather is getting nicer and I can't wait to be hitting the beach every week.
Well I hope everyone is doing great and you all have a safe and fun weekend! I believe we have daylight savings time this weekend also. I am excited for days to be longer!

until next time...

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

such a bitter sweet day

Today marks two years since I brought Juniper into the world. After all the fighting i went through for my right to birth how I choose. THen along came Octavia. I had wanted to have a home birth again but this time let the medical stuff be in someone else's hands and I ended up losing trust and faith. I ended up in the hospital because my labor stalled. But it dd with Juni too and I was able to bring her forth without one problem. It made things worse when at 9.5 cm's the doctor said NO vbac for me. Now here I sit celebrating an amazing birth but then I think of how Tavy was robbed of that right. There was NO medical reason for what I went through and now I totally understand the term "birth rape" more than ever. It is so hard for me right now to celebrate an morn at the same time. I feel guilty for feeling happy and then feel horrible about Tavy's birth. I don't have that to share with her. All I have are horribly panful thoughts of that day and that makes me feel even more guilty. I feel as though I have been "unplugged" from myself. Like a cord from the wall. I can't believe my reproductive history has to end so tragically. SO many keep telling me I should just stop and be happy. But until you have been through it (and I pray you never know this pain) you can't truly say what you would do. Because I used to say the same thing.

Well on another note, I graduated my training. Still unemployed. Why? you ask. Well it is because I have 8 kids and they fear I am not dependable. Here I am, willing to work 2nd shift and wekends and just need one day off a week (on a week day) and no one wants to take a gamble on me. I also had a lawyer look into it and while it is wrong, it is NOT discrimination as there is nothing under the statutes about having children. Now if I were gay, or my religion interfered then sure. But all I can do is keep trying.