Wednesday, November 24, 2010

My doctor appointment

Well, I finally found a doctor to help me with my PTSD. I have to go to another county and make a 40 minute drive, but that is ok. He is well worth it. He and his wife are outstanding people. I mean he listened to everything I said and even felt anger towards how I was treated by the OB when I had Octavia. I finally have a medical professional not treating me like and making me feel stupid or small. He really wants to help me and his wife does therapy so I start next week. They specialize in PTSD. He is a military vet who served and was a military doctor. He has a wall full of medals, plaques and awards. Everyone in the waiting room kept saying the wait is worth it. We waited over an hour for me to be seen. And he spent 30 mins just talking to me, then his wife spent almost 3 mins talking to me. And she had one of her babies at home. So yay! I have someone who understands why it was so important to me. She was forced into some things she did not want as well. I just can't tell you how good I feel. They are just so much like me and junior. I am happy and hope everything goes good because I think I have a friendship in them as well as help. That is just how they are to everyone. So warm and kind and helpful. There needs to be more doctors like this. Those who know me personally and know what I have been through know I have been through the ringer with doctors. From OB to pediatricians, all because I believe in nature. I believe in medicine when truly needed. But I do not believe in bombarding my children's little bodies with drugs and crap. It is my job to care for these little humans and make sure they are healthy and loved as well as protected. This is my job. So I just do not understand why so many people want to give me crap for researching medicines before my kids take them, and looking into other options before putting my children through anything that could traumatize them. I just have to make sure that I make the best decision based on all facts. This includes researching both sides of an arguement. So it is not like I just rush into something without knowing what I am doing. I do my best to protect the well being of myself and my children. I just wish people could understand that you never EVER do what a doctor says just because you think you have to. You should always ask tons of questions, do your own research and make informed decisions. I can not stress this enough.

Anyway, before I get up on my soapbox (too late? lol) I will just say I am thankful for this doctor and I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving eve! Have fun thawing that turkey! Remember to never leave the raw turkey out, unless thawing it in COLD water (neveer use warm or hot water) and enjoy those around you and let them know how thankful you are!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

week 7

And there goes another week. Octavia is growing, and cooing and just so beautiful. It amazes me how wonderful she truly is. Every one of my kidlets are so special. How each one of them has changed my life and altered my very existence is astounding.
I found my good camera so I will be taking pictures of the kids together for our christmas cards this year.
Juni finally calls daddy, dada. lol She used to call me and him both mama, but now she says dada. She is getting so big.
Everyone is doing good and we are steady working on the house. I want everything done before I start my 6 week training in January. Well everything inside the house. The outside will be done in April sometime. *crossing fingers*.
Well this week is Thanksgiving. I hope everyone has a wonderful celebration. However you celebrate, be thankful for those who love you, be thankful for the little things and the special moments in your life. Life is so short and while there is much bad in this world right now, look into your children's eyes, see the happiness and peace within them. I read somewhere once that children are so happy because they don't have the "everything that can go wrong" file in their minds. Maybe every now and then we need to turn off all access to that file and just embrace life as a child does. There is nothing wrong with having a little fun and believing in magic.
Take care and have a wonderful holiday!!

Monday, November 15, 2010

week 6

wow, 6 weeks already?? Where does time go? Does it have some secret warp speed, it sneaks in when we are not looking? My baby is getting so big! She has been holding her head up since the start, she smiles, coos, follows our amazes me how smart they are.

I have been a mom of 8 for 6 weeks and I can truly say there has not been a dull moment.
I love these little creatures that I helped create! They are the only ones in my life that do not look at me and judge me or look at me with disgust. I can burn dinner, have a bad hair day and even forget to pick something up from the store and they don't even notice! They are so awesome and all I have in this world. IDK what I would do without them for one second!

If you have been following me, you know this is the week I am supposed to get "the call". I am so anxious! I just want them to call me already!! I want this job! Keep checking in as I will update.

I am exhausted, gonna get the kidlets in bed and lay down and relax. Hope everyone had a great monday.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

week 5 update and a look into our lives

So I have decided to post both the 5 week update and a look into a typical day in our house. I have had so many ask and I just haven't had the time. But now I have found an extra few mins and will post it now. =)

Okay, week 5 is off to a good start. I am having some issues again. I am doing my best to be okay, but as I have said before, I have good days and I have bad days, and this is just one of my bad ones. I guess its to be expected. I didn't sleep much if at all last night or today. I had bad dreams again and a couple of panic attacks. I did rest holding Octavia for a little bit this morning.
She is doing good. She is not liking the formula and I hate it as well. I hate having to make bottles and listen to my hungry baby cry while waiting on me. I am used to nursing my babies. But I know this is best as my anxiety and such has really made me so uptight my milk pretty much dried up. Which in turn made her miserable and me feel even worse. So overcoming the loss of nursing her and that bond just seemed the better route for all of us. I am still sad about it, but each day I feel a little better. It isn't easy at all, and if you have gone through it you understand. If you haven't gone through it or know anyone who has, you probably think I am nuts lol, but that's okay.

Well I got my motherhood tattoo and I love it! I have some other tats I want but I have to wait until I get my job. for that look into our lives...

A typical day in our house is pretty busy.
Our day usually starts between 7 and 9. It just depends on how the night before went. On Sundays I get the children's school work printed up and organized with the help of my eldest daughter. We get everyone folders done once the little ones are settled on Sunday nights.
Usually breakfast is cereal or a bagel, I do get up and cook a few mornings a week. It usually takes almost 2 dozen eggs, two pack of biscuits and I make a side such as grits, cream of wheat or oatmeal.
The kids get one their reading, math and whatever other work I have for them for the day. I do not do school like the public school system does. My children do a lot of reading and book work but we also do units. Like they don't do science every day, but we do units of science and same for history.
Lunch is done around 1230 or so. Usually something healthy but easy.
Then it's back to school work.
Right now our yard is grown up because our brand new mower fell apart, literally. The housing came lose and broke while Steven was mowing.When it's mowed the kids go out back for a good while before dinner. And they will go back to that this week. In the meantime we had been going other places.
In between everything I clean. I wash bathrooms, counters, dishes, clothes, floors, vacuum ad all that fun stuff. I mop every other day. And I do deep cleaning once a month which entails wiping down walls and dusting and cleaning ceilings and fans and all. My floors have to be swept and vacuumed every other day to everyday.
Dinner comes around 530. Junior tends to do dinner more often then I do and a couple nights a month we get take out. But it costs a lot to feed a house 8 kids and 3 adults lol.
After dinner we do baths. Now we don't always bathe them every night. Sometimes it is every other night. Every one of my kids have eczema. And washing them too often makes them itchy and complain a lot. But they get bathed almost every night just because I can't let kids go to bed if they have any kind of smell other than fresh and clean lol.
I bathe 6 of the 8 kids and help my oldest girl wash her hair.
After baths I brush 4 of the 8 kids teeth, 3 brush their own and 1 doesn't have a yet lol. Then I make sure beds are ready for bed. I usually wash sheets once a week or more so their beds are almost always fresh and clean and ready, I just make sure the sheets didn't come off because one of the kids has played around and pulled it off.
Then it is time for meds. Gin gets his nose spray, GZ get nose spray and allergy meds and Nik gets his anti seizure meds and mood meds. We let them watch a little nikc jr and then its time for lights out.
We have good days and bad days, but this is a typical day here. We have a lot of appointments and go out of town for some of them. Things can get very busy here. I am hoping to start working soon and daddy and steven will be home with the kids. One of us will always be here as it is against our personal beliefs for others to raise our kids. We support them and spend all of our time with them.
Once I start working we will have a family night once a week that we absolutely spend doing something together and Junior and I will have date night twice a month. I feel that because I will be gone so much and we won't all be seeing each other every day, every moment, that these nights are important for us as a family.

Is our life busy? hell yes it is lol! But we have talked many times and neither of us know what we would do if we were not always so busy. We would truly be lost without these kids.
In a way it is sad that being so busy and being with my family is helping me through my trauma, and no doctor is willing to help. No one will help me, I am on my own, as I have been for maaaaan years now. I do have family that has helped us a couple of times an they always offer support, but no one gets us out of our fixes but us. We are all we have. We are going through a lot right now and having each other keeps us strong.
Would lots of money help? I am sure it would as it would help anyone! and we would love to have lots of money. But to teach our kids to earn an honest living and what family is about, means so much more to us.

We are adding onto our home so the kids have more room and we have zero help. It is me, junior and steven. It is mostly the guys lol but I do what I can. We are almost done and so proud of everything we have done.

Well I will post more soon!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

A month already!

I can't believe it has now been a month since Octavia came into our lives. Yesterday was a full month. She is 9lbs 7 oz and 21 inches! She is growing so fast. Too fast if you ask me. I am feeling a little better. Let me reword that, I am still hurting and depressed, but I am learning to deal with it better. I am not sure I will ever "get over this". But I think it will get easier to ignore or deal with as time goes by. I still have nightmares, really bad. I am praying I get that call in 2 weeks for the CNA job. I think I need this. I mean I stay busy at home, plenty, with 8 kids. However, we need money and I need to work. I can't stand struggling. I am not used to it. I did not grow up struggling and got used to several years of having plenty of money. I have started over a few times, been a single mom twice and pretty much been there done that with enough in my life to say I have been through 3 lifetimes in one. So, now I would like things to level back out and things to get better. I am ready to accept the goodness the universe has for me and my family.
I am taking the kids pictures this week. Time to fill my walls up more with pictures of my munchkins.

I am also working on getting a group together locally for women who have had traumati c sections or forced into them for no real reason. If you know anyone who has been through this and is around panama city or surrounding areas please contact me through this blog.
I would like to make this issue known. It is very real and needs to be addressed. Women do not need to be made to feel stupid for feeling this way.

Well that's it for now.